The D-word

It is done. The Deputy Registrar made a divorce order this morning. There ends 24 years, 11 months and 3 weeks of marriage. Well, not quite – as the order takes effect in a month and a day from now. So we’ll still technically be married when our 25th anniversary rolls around next Tuesday, 13th of December. I rang in to proceedings simply to affirm our marriage and the life-long commitment that represents. It seems that’s unusual, and no-one really expected “the counterparty” to be there. I affirmed my commitment to my wife and children knowing the Courts are disinterested in that, but couldn’t allow that momentous and devastating action to play out without registering protest.The Deputy Registrar said that my “statements have been heard”, but (as of course is expected in a “no-fault divorce context”) that made no difference. Marriage is too easily cast aside. We glibly say “the children are resilient” and it is better to put the marriage tension aside. That is not my view. The children need both parents, and need them together. The commitment to each other in the marriage vow is before God and until death, and that covenant word should be kept. I am ultimately accountable for our marriage failure, both in general and specific ways. I’m grieved by my own failings, and it simply demonstrates that we reap what we sow. I’m deeply grieved by our broken marriage, and by the impact on my wife and children, on our broader family, and on our community. It is a dark day. PS These comments are my musings about my situation. As Dale Stephenson says, the basis of these ideas is “a mirror to hold, not a rock to throw”. The only person at whom I’m taking pot shots here is me. Not you!